自由の翼

How long has it been? One year? Two? I completely forgot about this blog I abandoned (again) XD

Reviewing all my post, I just realised how precious it is to have written proof of your innocence and youthfulness (read : gullibility and childishness). But all in all, I think it is refreshing :) You got to see how much you have developed and grow. How much you enjoyed your middle and high school with all them turds ;)

How I have been? Hmmm.. let me give you an answer to that; suffering! Gyahahaha I know I did not change much from my high school self but here I am, feeling lost in a Mechanical Engineering major :')

So to recap where I have been the last 12 months? Jumping from Malacca to Bandung just to finish my FREAKING high school education. Getting very ordinary marks (read : average, oh myyyy the SHAME my mom has to go through :P) on my High School Certificate. Passing the Public University Entrance Exam (got my the last university of my choice, by the way).

Everyone is telling me I should be GRATEFUL. I should embrace the major that I have chosen (frankly, I think I lost my mind). I should just "get on with it". That not everybody can GET INTO Faculty of Engineering. That I will love it sooner or later, But the harsh reality is, I am your mediocre, run-of-the-mill, typical, average human being. Yep, super disappointing.

And the thing is, I have a considerably easier option, to take D3 in Mechatronics. You might think, "that's not much different from mechanical engineering,". In fact, it is a WHOLE NEW LEVEL of different. They stress on the hands-on stuff rather than theories (I have grown a distaste towards theories). Hell, gotta give my hyperactive tendency a new output.

I know I dug my own grave with this one. It was me who chose engineering. It was me who chose the 3 universities. It was me who sat for the exam. It was me who made the final decision. But those choices, was, and still is, influenced by my parents. I know you see that one coming.

What is it with my parents that I keep losing every fight with them? That I feel like they took my power to choose my own path in life? Heck, this is supposed to be all about me. My major. My work. My future. Call me selfish but you know that it is indeed true.

Up to this point, 3 months in FoE, all I feel is lost. Miserable. Desperate. [insert tons of other negative adjective]. My only refuge out of this desolation is games, games and more games. Heck, I think I am becoming more of an addict because of my dependency towards gaming.

Someone get me out of this hell.